The day I failed...

It was well acknowledged by my school teachers that if I pass in the exams the whole class passes. These was the reputation I carried on my shoulders. With little grace marks I would always get promoted into next higher class. Yet ,I could not shoulder it in 1985-86. I failed in 9th grade. Handing over the result Mrs Joshi told me, " All have passed now sit in the same class this year."

Now the result being handed over I was curious to know, " Was there anybody who could lighten my load of shame or share my agony " In that moment of crisis I could see 2 more disappointed faces, Ganesh Malphatak and Mahesh Gupta and I do not recall the girl name who also could not get through. But it was a relief to note that other two would be my class mates once again.

There was no remorse on my face. Although Manpada road in Dombivli was crowded as usual so that one get easily lost in the crowd, yet I felt never so lonely on the road to my house.
I came home my father was busy giving final touches to civil ( cement masonry) work he had undertaken with all ingenuity. He asked lovingly, " What happened?" And very loosely I uttered," I failed!" Adding ," Ganesh Malphatak and Mahesh too have failed!" Ganesh's father and my father were room mates when they were bachelors at" Athavale lodge" near Ganesh Mandir. ( now there is no athavale lodge)

My father was disappointed , to his existing bundle of miseries I had added another. He had lost his bread winning job and didn't know what exactly do and there I was standing shamelessly bringing disrepute to parents and putting further financial strain to the family.

Socially my father was well respected for his knowledge and integrity and honesty. His emotions became intense. He hit me moderately once at my left arm. I stood motionless holding my head down. He had a piece of advice," We brahmins have only got one thing, education!; If you don't work hard towards that , success will elude you." The only good thing about failing was I need not purchase new text books.

Now I was relieved and changed myself and went straight to play cricket with my Gokhale wadi mates. They too asked about my result. I told them ," I failed". Astonished, they were , found it difficult to believe that I had come to play a round of cricket shamelessly.

Mother came to house exhausted. She was a teacher in Manjunatha Vidyalaya for pre-primary section. She smilingly asked what happened to my Results ? I told her and tears rolled over her face. It was disappointing since it is taken for granted that teachers son/ daughter are good in studies and can never fail. And here I was exception to the perceived rule.

I took some bad hits on my face from my mother and was inconsolable. As the news of my failure reached our neighbours within the locality people came to sympathise and showed lot of empathy. At that time I did not realise the value of time lost and how hard was for my parents to earn our daily bread and educate me.

More than me my parents were jolted and in our family, failing in this education system was the last thing to happen.

Failing for the first time is difficult but later I learnt it did lot good to me. That time I was not ashamed as Ganesh and Mahesh were there to share my misery . But today am not ashamed as this very failure brought many changes in my life.

And for once I felt good ,that ,"I failed!"